excited for xmas!
November 19, 2009 
Just a quick update:
Hannah and I went shopping yesterday. Yes, deadly. In Hannah’s own words, we were actually “going to see if the girls at work were being treated fairly and that their working environment and conditions are up to standard. For the good of our fellow sisters, we are so self sacrificing.” What an awesome mama I have! We were so self sacrificing that even though I took a fall yesterday (will talk about that later), we still ended up going to visit those poor girls, at Aritzia was the initial plan.
So the fall.
Sad to say, I don’t remember the last time I fell. Ironically too, I had just finished my leg workouts at the gym yesterday morning. Went home to shower and then headed back to school for my 11:30 class. I was almost gonna be on time. And when I looked at the steps in front of Morriset library, I thought to myself “My legs are gonna hate me” after my workout. Little did I know, a couple steps up the stairs and I just…FELL. Yah. The steps were pretty wide too so my knee scraped the entire step until it hit the step above. It was so….terrifying and sad. I was alone too, and people around me immediately ran over to see if I was okay. Embarrassed enough, of course I said I was okay. But when I tried to take another step up the stairs, I couldn’t, and that’s when I felt like crying the most. It was so painful. I really wished I had someone there with me. Sigh. I eventually managed to limp my way to class, but I was in no mood to listen or learn anything. I was hurt. Hmpf.
So when the TA said that we were free to go if we wanted to, or stay for another example of the question, I immediately got up and left. I called MK and told her I was really sad but I said I’ll tell her the story when I see her. So when I finished class we met up and she brought me to Subway. At first, it was so random. She ordered a coke when she usually gets Sprite. So I asked “You’re not getting Sprite today?” and then she tells me the coke was for me. Hm..how nice. I thought. But I was so hesitant on drinking it because I’ve been doing this thing where I try to eat and drink as healthy as I can. I guess I could let it slip by, since she bought it for me anyways. Can’t let a good cup of coke with ice filled to the top go to waste right? 
Then she told me to wait by the elevators because she needed to stop by Starbucks to get a fork. Hm, strange. And when we reached our lockers upstairs, she surprised me with my FAVOURITE meal. Potato salad with tuna!! YUM YUM YUM!! I wish I had it recorded so I can show everyone how excited it makes me. When she came around to asking what was wrong, I told her and her reaction was “That’s it?!?!?!?” Hahahahaha. It was so heartbreaking, but I guess I over exaggerated. SIGH! Oh wells! She was so sweet to make me happy. I get so happy easily. It’s not fair when I’m the one trying to cheer other people up because it’s so hard to know what makes other people happy! Give me a subway cookie and a cup of coke with ice and all my problems are gone. Hahaha. I’m too easy..
Anyways.
Back to shopping! The sales at Aritzia were so …tempting. The blouse that I always wanted was on sale for 20% off, which means it was only $46-ish I believe. So..SOOOOO tempting. ARGH! But it was so expensive for only a blouse so I refused. Then, my next item in mind was the winter coat. An additional 10% off. Tempting? Sure. The fact that it was the last black one in XS? Even more tempting. I stood with Hannah in front of the mirror admiring it for the looongest time. It was so hard to make up my mind. It would’ve been such a heavy purchase. $225+. Ouch. But it was the perfect fit and everything! And I really do need a winter coat. I’ve been lounging around the past winters in my TNA fall coats. But when I took it off and tried putting the fur back onto the jacket, I noticed a hole near the shoulder and neck part. So that made the decision for me. Heh. My wallet was saved, but my heart was so broken. Oh well!
We then headed to Sports Experts so I can look for sports bras to wear to the gym. No such luck. I felt so lost – not knowing what brand, what style, what material I wanted. So then I remembered MK saying she got hers at Lasenza so off to Lasenza we went. It smelt SO pretty in there. I wish my room smelt like that all the time. Anyways. I found the sports bra and then we lounged around the PJ section and they are so heart melting!!!! I can’t wait to go Christmas shopping now!! For some reason, the common gift in my family are always pyjamas. Haha. I’m not gonna complain though. They were only $20 too!!! You cannot go wrong with that. They lightened my holiday spirit and just made my heart feel so warm! Hmmmmmmm <3
Shopping turned out to be a great success. Too great. Credit cards are so deadly. Cash is so deadly. Debit cards are so deadly. Shopping is so deadly. But in my defense, I haven’t shopped for a while! But I think I went a bit over my limit, lol. I ended up buying a couple items to winter, most of which were at great sales! I can’t wait to start Christmas shopping. But uh oh. With what funds??!? I guess I could take some out of the savings account because next month, I’ll be getting my other portion of OSAP and that could be replaced for savings. Hm…
I’m debating whether or not I should take a second job for the Christmas holidays. Benefits? More money. Costs? Less time for hanging out, less time to study. Hm. Still debating..
Due to my injury yesterday, I decided to stay home today and relax. But I didn’t do too much relaxing. I decided to go through my old pile of school junk and I started sorting out the closet in the hallway. I threw out two garbage bags filled of useless old junk and it made me happy! The closet looks so much more presentable now. I had the biggest urge to redecorate and reorganize the junk in this room I call my bedroom. Haha. If I look to my left and my right, there’s stuff EVERYWHERE. It’s so stuffed and crowded and messy. Hmpf. I kinda wanna move into a different house now. Different room. Different setting. Different neighbourhood that isn’t so creepy that’s for sure.
Maybe I’ll do some research into finding a new house and then propose it to my parents.
OOOO. Another proposal I should try to work on…a puppy. I really want one. REALLY BADLY.
We were so close to getting one two years ago, but there weren’t any cute ones at the adoption centre so that failed. The ones at the pet store were too expensive. But my parents were actually in the mindset of getting me one!!!!! I must lurk up a plan to make them do it again! That’s why I started cleaning up and stuff and starting to manage all my expenses and bills. That’s right. I have bills to pay now! (ie. Visa bill) Not rich enough to pay my own phone and car bills yet though. That’s what Daddy’s for. Teehee. *halo*
Oh. Confession. I know I told myself I’d look online for cases and accessories for my phone. But I couldn’t help it. I just had to drop by the stand in Gloucester Centre because I knew they had really cute ones. So I ended up buying a case for my phone. My total purchase costed $40. I know. Such a waste. But it makes me happy. And it’s not the only thing I bought. I asked if I buy a second case, can I get some sort of a deal. And so I did. I bought two cases. But catch this. I bought a phone case, and a…..iPod touch case. LOL. Sigh. I know I don’t have my iPod touch case anymore. But I’m gonna save up for one and look for one online and stuff. So if I’m planning to buy one, might as well get a case prepared for it right? I’m so smart. So so smart.
All this shopping is getting me really excited for Christmas!
Too bad I have finals coming up. School really drains the spirit outta you!
Ah. Just remembered. Must go back to reading!
This was supposed to be a short blog post. It ended up being 1526 words. Oopsies!
xox
Not so much of an update
November 14, 2009 
Wow, its been a while..
Not in the mood for an update really, just ranting about stuff here and there.
Got my new baby finally! Blackberry 8900. It’s about time, lol.
School … is school. I’ve been behind (what a surprise) and slacking off in so many ways.
Finals are coming up soon, in less than a month-ish. Should probably get cracking.
Relationships are probably my biggest struggle right now.
A lot of ups and downs, sometimes all in one day, sometimes consistent throughout the week.
It really drains me out, emotionally, physically, spiritually & mentally.
Spoke to a friend about confrontation, and I realized I’m not the type of person to want to deal with things, simply because I don’t know how to deal and I don’t want to deal with things so I just let it slide. That’s probably why situations always tend to drag on or get worse. Should probably fix that too. Another friend has been constantly urging to fix things because he knows I’m that type of person and he doesn’t want me to just let it slide. I guess in a way, it’s good because it forces me to deal with it, but boy oh boy sometimes it gets pretty ugly.
Things at home are getting a lot better; just been feeling a bit distant since I’m always so busy with school I never really get the time to lazy around the house much anymore.
Sometimes I feel like I have everything under control. Other times, it just feels like everything’s a huge mess. Right now, I feel like I have nothing under control, but at the same time, it’s a mess I’m not gonna fix myself. Just gonna keep on p.u.s.h-ing. Stay posted for real updates, whenever I don’t feel so lazy. Toodles!
Who’s 19?
November 2, 2009 
I’M 19! Yep, it’s official. Thao has turned legal! No more borrowing Thi’s ID to go clubbing. I remember when I turned 18, it was the craziest weekend. My parents were gone to Vietnam so I was home with my sisters. We went out not just ONE night, but TWO nights. Clubbing in hull has always been my favourite. There was no excitement though really, because I had already gone underage and all. Just the fact that I was able to use my ID when I turned 18 was enough. I remember pulling out my Canadian Citizenship card, and the bouncer looked at me and he chuckled and said “Are you serious?” Haha good times…
This year; it’s like my life went a full 360 degrees. I didn’t do the typical thing everyone wanted me to do, instead I spent time with the ones I love most: FAMILY. It was so crazy. I spent parts of my day with sisters, and church family, and I really couldn’t have asked for anything more.
We had a youth meeting the Friday night before my birthday; so the original plans of having a birthday dinner with my friends failed, but that’s okay! Catchphrase made my night. Haha. After the youth meeting, my sisters wanted to take me out so I met up with them at the casino. My sister handed me a pile of chips worth $95 and I lost it all. FML. Haha, way to end my year of being 18. I was never meant for gambling anyways, though I could have been $95 richer. Oh well!
They took me out for my favourite chinese food. Mi Sao Gion (spl?) at Yangtze with the additional dishes of midnight snacks and crabmeat and seafoam soup. YUM. I remember always wanting them to get me the mi sao gion as a kid, so it was a good meal for me. I didn’t even have to ask, my sister surprised me with it. Teehee. As soon as the clock hit 12, my cellphone literally went on full vibration. I received mass text messages, facebook notifications, pins, and calls. It was so sweet, and I felt so bad but I was out with my sisters so I didn’t want to interrupt the sisterly moment. So I put my cellphone on silent and threw it in my purse.
At the end of the night, I went home, and though I should’ve counted the number of messages I had, I didn’t but it was so overwhelming. Especially getting birthday wishes from people I haven’t even spoke to for months! I took a nice long hot shower, and snuggled up in my NEW, penguin pjs that I got for Christmas last year but never wore because I wanted to wear it for special occassions LOL.
I woke up to my mom wanting to go have lunch, but my dad wasn’t feeling too well so I suggested we order Pizza and chicken wings! MM more food to pig out on! So that’s what we did and then away to worship practice I went. I ended up staying at church until Julie came to meet up with me, because I hung out with Ham afterwards. Hannah gave me her gifts, and it was probably the funniest gift I’ve received yet! She bought me a t-shirt quoted “Why do I need a boyfriend? I didn’t do anything wrong!” LOL perfect for my situation. PERFECT I say! And then to encourage eating at school, she bought me a set of Hello Kitty cutlery: spoon, fork and chopsticks. LOL. Thanks mama! <3
Ham and I went out for McDonald’s afterwards. ANOTHER GREAT TIME TO PIG OUT. And Julie met up with us afterwards. Julie and I went home to get ready and then headed back out for the STARFIELD concert. Yah. I’ve never been to an official concert, so it was SO amazing that it was Starfield. I wouldn’t have wanted to spend my birthday any other way, especially on a Halloween night. Worshipping was the best way to spend it, especially being surrounded by my OVAC family was more than enough.
When the concert was over, I remember getting mass text messages asking where I was, which club I was hitting up, who I was with, where I was predrinking, who I was predrinking with, and why I wasn’t answering anyone’s phone calls. Lol, that’s when I realized enough was enough. I didn’t need to go ALL OUT clubbing for my birthday just because I turned 19. I didn’t need to hit up the most popular club with people I barely see, for my birthday. I didn’t need to be around alcohol, and I definitely didn’t need to be around drunken people. I decided to spent the rest of the night with Huyda, Ham and Julie. We went out for wings, nachos, and onion rings at Summerhays and they FORCEFULLY (hahah) stayed with me until 12am, until my birthday was over.
Then, when we all departed, it was definitely too early to go home so Julie and I decided to go DANCING, at my all-time-fav: ADDICTION. We picked up Melissa on the way because Ottawa clubs were too packed so she came with us. It was so awkward though, because we were in line at Addiction, and this random asian guy comes up to us and he’s like “Do you want me to get you in right now?” So we did! We skipped the line. It was awesome. But we knew there was a catch to it. When we walked in line for coat check, he asked to take pictures with us and whipped out his camera. Uh…who carries around a camera if you’re a guy?! Creepy. So we took one picture and ran off. So weird.
We danced the night away, or at least the hour or so away, and decided it was time to go home. It was a good time
I love my friends and all, but I knew everyone was out partying for Halloween, and not for me. So I’m glad I spent my birthday with the people I love most. Of course there were people I really wanted to see for my birthday, but there’s always next year..when I turn *shivers* TWENTY! UGH.
On Sunday, after church service, I met up with MK, Yun and Jacob to go for sushi. That was definitely satisfying. Their gifts were hilarious. Yun bought me a Subway gift card worth $50 and I can only spend it on cookies. That’s over 100 cookies LOL and to go with that giftcard, Jacob bought me a custom-made tshirt of the cookie monster and he says “ME WANT COOKIES.” HAHA. I definitely received the best gifts this year. It was wonderful
Do I feel old? HECK NO. I worried for NOTHING. Haha
seriously, walking it out
So after two weeks of late nights, fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and caffeine dependent, I think it’s really all caught up to me. I tried going to the gym yesterday with MK, and it was a good effort. We both woke up late, but still made it there. Did we do much? Not really. We started off skipping for a couple minutes then headed inside to go on the eliptical. No lie, as soon as I stepped on the eliptical and took a few strides, it was getting harder to breathe. I was so exhausted and so out of shape. I rested my palms on the heart sensor and it shot up to 180. Um….uh-oh? I asked MK to check hers, and it was around 120. Um…seriously, uh oh!! So I stopped for a bit, and it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. It was such a terrifying feeling..
Today didn’t really make anything better. After Accounting, I walked back and forth and ended up at the library. Situated myself in a cubicle to try to read some Marketing, but once again, I was exhausted. I couldn’t get one word in, let alone a chapter, so I decided to go home.
It’s nice to just be able to relax at home. I jumped right into my PJs and went to talk to my parents. Then I bummed around for a bit until I took my 4 hour nap. I thought it’d help but I just woke up to a really big headache instead. I went downstairs to find something to eat – and Hannah&Julie, you’d be proud – I decided to make a salad. But before eating it, I really wanted to go for a walk, so I did. It was my 50 minutes of physical activity today, lol.
I plugged my iPod in, wore four layers of shirts, sweat pants, hair tied, scarfed up, and went out for a walk. It was dark, but I wasn’t scared and managed to last 50 minutes until I decided my stomach was more important.
I don’t know if I should be worried about this situation. It could be that I’m just so tired from all the lack of sleep and unhealthy food habit. But it’s never been this bad before. I’ve never had so much trouble going back to the gym, even after my 8 month hiatus. Kinda lazy to go check it out, but I will take a trip to the clinic one day in the near future.
Been thinking all day, about what I’ve been feeling..and this is what came from it:
Thao: JULIE PHAM. I love you. Don’t let me fall for boys ever again okay??
Yeah, Julie called right after because she was concerned at what a crazy statement I made. I guess I have to admit I have been on and off with this feeling. But I’ve decided not to rely on any boy or anyone in that matter, to make me happy. I’ve got all I need, and I don’t need what people claim to be love to be happy. For the past few weeks, it has gotten awkward sometimes when I’m surrounded by couples just ’cause it makes me miss what I used to have. Seeing people have someone to turn to in times of comfort needed, makes me wish I had it too. But in reality, it’s the last thing I want right now. The last thing I want is to depend on someone to be there. The last thing I want is to have someone hold me and claim they’re always gonna be there. The last thing I want is for someone to claim they love me. Yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before, thanks. You can tell I’m a bit pessimistic about this topic, but who can blame me? I’ve been there, done that and look where it got me.
Yep. But on the other hand, I still squeal and get goosebumps when people tell me of their love stories, none in particular. (JULIE) It’s like watching a romantic comedy; entertaining and aw-worthy. And that’s as much as I can handle right now
just walk it out
I remember talking to MK just a couple days ago, telling her that whenever she’s angry..just go take a walk around the school to cool down. I wish I could have given myself the same advice. Well I did walk, but I went straight home instead. And we all know how unproductive home can be. My 15 minute nap turned into another hour and a half sleep. I guess it’s a good thing I caught up on sleep though. These 4 hour nights are really catching up to me. Relying on caffeine isn’t really helping much either. I always seem to fall asleep during the day, anywhere, anytime; if I’m sleepy, I’m gonna sleep.
I wasn’t really angry at anyone in particular today. For the past few days, little things here and there would just get to me. I’m gonna blame it on the stress from midterms. Yeah, I’d rather blame it on stress than to think these people really do piss me off.
Besides the little things people do, I was also angry at myself. I just haven’t been able to concentrate or focus or do anything right. This morning for example, I was at school from 9-2, and I only read one chapter case, that’s like 2 pages and 3 questions. Pathetic, I know. And yesterday, I spent like 3 hours looking over the BDM assignment and I only finished the excel part of the problem and gave up and left the rest for the guys to finish.
Can I blame this lack of studying on being hyperactive? Probably. I really need to discipline myself to study. Whenever I see someone or I’m around someone, it just leads to laughing and joking around and never getting down to business. Which isn’t a bad thing, because I like being happy. I like having a good time. Who likes studying anyways? Hmpf.
It’s just so frustrating.
Sometimes I find, when you’re holding in too much stress and feelings you can’t talk about or don’t want to talk about, the best thing to do is just cry. So that’s exactly what I did today. I wish I kept my cool until I got home, but I couldn’t and little tears just dropped here and there. I left Desmarais and bumped into Hamza and he saw me tear, but I just smiled and walked away.
It just made me cry even more, thinking that for the past 2 years, whenever something went wrong, I always went to him. To cry to, to rant, to yell, to bother, to complain, to talk to, to punch even. And now, I know he’ll still be there for comfort, but I can’t let myself do that. I can’t let myself be so weak to run back to him. It was the worst feeling on the bus, just repeating to myself that I’m on my own now and I’m the one who’s going to suck it up and deal with it and not depend on anyone to take care of me. I hate feeling like I need someone there, because that’s what broke me for the past 2 years.
But I find when I’m at my lowest point, that’s when I can see God’s really good to me.
Julie sent me the song “Soon” by Hillsong a couple weeks ago. Part of the lyrics are like “though i have not seen him. my heart knows him well” and it’s so true.
I used to get upset, thinking that God couldn’t wipe my tears, He couldn’t hold me when I needed comfort and He couldn’t physically be there. But after everything I went through this summer, He’s the closest person to me even if I haven’t seen Him. These past couple weeks have been so crazy. I’ve fallen into that trap of depending on people again, and it’s the worst. People will always fail you. People will always disappoint you. People will always hurt you. Not to say that I’m angry with these people, but I’ve given too much expectations that when they do fail, it makes me so angry and hurt; but, I fail all the time so why am I complaining? I hate emotional breakdowns.
Just taking a break from my studying to rant.
Thanks…
So today, I hugged Benson goodbye and he picked me up and this is what he said:
Thao: BYE BENSON!
Benson: Bye Tina!
*hug/lifts me up*
*puts me down*
Benson: Yeah, you got heavier.
THANKS MAN.
SIGH.
Yesterday at MK’s house, I had lost 1.5 lbs when I got there. By the end of the night, I gained it all back. LOL.
I really need to go to the gym. I walked up the flight of stairs today, and seriously felt like I was gonna collapse.
FML FML FML
First Midterm
First midterm this year, and it felt like such a fail. I went to the mock exam just to test out the new procedure they’re testing out this year. The multiple choice part of the midterm was to be done on the computers in the labs at school, so they had to make sure the program was running smoothly. It failed during the mock exam, so I’m not so surprised it failed for the real midterm. The midterm started at 11:30 this morning, or was supposed to start at 11:30. We spent like 45 minutes waiting for the exam to be “posted” publicly, and no joke – it was so tiring, I actually took a 10 minute nap. I woke up to the teacher’s instructions to refresh our screens and that the exam would commence. It was about 12:20 by the time it started working. And the exam said it would last 70 mins. The professor comes back and on the board, he writes “Finish at 12:55″…um, that’s in a half hour! Wtheck!! We had 52 questions to do. Uh oh. Crap.
Yeah. Everyone from our section came out of the midterm complaining because the other sections got to start on time with no problems after us. We were the real guinea pigs of the guinea pig section. It sucked. But apparently, the good thing is, the professor is gonna find a way to grant us for our time delay etc. In his email, he wrote “Please do not let this situation affect your studying.” Heh…too late. I was so devastated.
I actually took the time to prepare for this midterm and it just felt like a complete fail. So disappointed – I entered my midterm in degradation mode anyways. I hate sitting around people who compare their GPAs and marks or whatever. It puts me down so much, and the thing is, I LET it put me down. Yeah. I saw Benson right before the exam, and ranted on about how upset I was. It felt good.
I just hate that I’m trying so hard this year and it still feels like I’m screwing up. Even though I’m always at school, it’s such a big distraction and I can barely study. But I can’t go home because I sleep at home all the time. I’ve been going over to MK’s house every now and then – I practically live there now. It’s my 3rd house teehee.
I went over there tonight and only managed to read ONE chapter. That sounds pretty sad, considering we got home at 4ish and I stayed till 11. FAIL. We took a nap though, and made videos, and made food…yummy food. LOL. Her fridge is THE best because it has an ice machine so I go crazy…but for some reason today, I was so cold to the point where my insides were shivering and my fingernails went purple.
Tomorrow is uOttawa Day so we have no classes, but I’m gonna go to school to try to catch up on some readings. Next week is gonna be hell. SERIOUS hell. This is my schedule:
Tuesday: Accounting Quiz Due, MIS midterm
Wednesday: BDM Assignment Due
Thursday: Marketing Midterm
Saturday: Accounting Midterm
Sunday: BDM Midterm
The life of a student…sigh
I had a lot more on mind, but I don’t really have the energy to rant about it. Maybe after midterms. Maybe. If I survive.
I went shopping!
That’s right. I went shopping today. Whatever for?
- Calculator
- Pens
- Mouse
- USB Key
… man I feel like such a nerd.
Gonna be MIA for a while; midterms, assignments, quizzes all approaching before I could even grasp it.
blah–
Super hyper mood turned into super down mood by just one thought. One simple thought, that I knew all along but wasn’t brave enough to accept.
Be patient Thao, be patient!!
Impulsive Much?
Whether it be relationships, shopping, eating, or random decisions, I always seem to be very impulsive when making my decisions. But this one seems to be the most dangerous one. I basically dropped one of my course, that is a pre-requisite for my other two courses next semester so I dropped them all. Now, I am taking 4 courses this semester and 3 courses next semester which makes me a part-time student for next semester. Uh oh?!?!?!?! I tried signing up for the course that I dropped this semester, so I could take it next semester, but there are no available seats. Uh oh AGAIN!!???! I’m praying that people drop that course next semester or else I’d be so screwed.
Think before you act Thao, THINK!!!
